i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
