My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
