ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
