note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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