UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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