tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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