you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
