So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
