Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
that's an acceptable place to lick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
