Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
