when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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