Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
