I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
