girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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