Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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