Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
