I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
