his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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