My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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