sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
