he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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