it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
