i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
