I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
