he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
