Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm getting married
To pizza
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
