every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ttyl tear gas
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
