Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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