I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
