if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you had me at cake vodka
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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