I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
