I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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