Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
