P.S. I can't hear my feet
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
