I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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