know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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