She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
