my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
