Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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