Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
