She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
