I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
