my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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