What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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