Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
