So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
