Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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