Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
