Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
