how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
