I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
