would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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