It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
