is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
